Sometimes I think we should just end this early. We are worlds apart, so different from each other in so many aspects. You like the drama, while I avoid it. You like chatter, while I like the quiet. I don’t even know how and why we got together. At the start it seemed like a right decision, but the longer we stay attached, the more I have doubts about whether we can last and if it was a mistake. We seemingly get along well, but I can tell that there are many little differences between us. Arising from the different personalities we have, and the different types of people we are. They say opposites attract. And I agree with that, but opposites won’t last, as they will always be chipping against each other. I don’t know if I should hold on or let go. It is tiring to put up with you, yet rewarding in some ways. But some how, I’m getting more drained each time. Maybe we will be in each other’s future; maybe we are painful lessons for each other. Only time will tell…
Disappointment comes not when you don’t do well, there are people out there who are happy with getting Bs and Cs. It is when you do badly relative to you capacity. This explains why people can be disappointed when they score a B, because they know that they could get the A but they didn’t. And why people can be happy with Bs, because they only expected C or lower. So don’t go telling off that friend of yours who is angry at themselves for missing that A. The absolute result doesn’t matter at all, it is the knowing that you could have done better that makes you disappointed that you didn’t do well, and regretful that you didn’t work hard enough when you had the chance. And that is what makes it all the more painful, knowing that you could have performed better had you stopped fooling around and tried harder. Fuck…
What the fuck is wrong with girls. All so fucking over sensitive and crying over every fucking small shit.
I used to look up to you. But not anymore. Not any more. Look at yourself in the fucking mirror. You are becoming like the woman you hated, seducing a married man and ruining his family and marriage. Just like dad’s mistress. And you tell me it’s sad that I have to think to decide who to follow between the 2 of you? The worst part is that you would not admit that you are in the wrong and think it justified for you to see that married man. I mean seriously? Is there something fucked up with your brains?
What is the point of trying to help you if you don’t even bother trying to help yourself? Its like the chinese idiom: 对牛弹琴 which literally means playing music to a cow, who isn’t able to appreciate the music one performs for it, showing the futility of ones actions. I guess you’ll never understand the importance of a good night’s sleep, and hence my efforts to get you to sleep earlier are just futile attempts. To you, sleep willl never be prioritised over anything, so why am I even bothering and causing more trouble for myself? Fuck me. Why am I so dumb? Wasting my efforts when you only see the conversation we have about what time to sleep as a game where you try to bargain to sleep at a later time. If you want to sleep late, go ahead. I am not going to bother any more, the consequences of your lack of sleep ain’t my problem.
I just realised how bad an impact long schooling hours had on me. It’s like I didn’t even think the consequences of long schooling hours would be so disastrous. As a young boy in kindergarten and primary school, I read the local newspapers everyday, without fail; and I had frequent trips to the library too, where I made an effort to add non fiction books to my reading agenda. All this was because I had lots of free time to kill, so I spent it wisely accumulating knowledge. But when I entered secondary school, the hours of lessons increased dramatically. Lessons ended as late as 3.30pm. And with the addition of CCAs, my day would end at 6-7pm on the longer days: Monday and Wednesday. Homework also started to pile up like mountains. This ruined the healthy habits I had cultivated when I was younger. I no longer had the time to keepcup with the news on a daily basis and I didn’t have the luxury of going to the public library anymore. With my habits destroyed in the 4 years of secondary education, I entered JC. Due to the specialisation of subjects in JC, I ended up with more free time. But I did not spend them as well as long ago. I squandered all my breaks gaming or just doing nothing. When I could have been keeping abreast of the happenings in the world or expanding my knowledge. The news didn’t seem interesting anymore, and I lost that hunger for knowledge, for reading. And so today, I’m the slop I am now. More education was not a good thing in my case. I wonder if there are people out there with this problem too.
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Hi there, to me in the future when I look back on this blog, or to whoever may chance upon this little obscure blog of mine. I am an 18 year old guy in the midst of taking a national exam right now— GCE ‘A’ levels exams. I don’t even know why I am writing this post now at 3.45am in the morning, when I should be sleeping and getting enough rest. Well, hi :)
I just realised the purpose of keeping a blog/diary. It is to put your current self, your thoughts and feelings, into words. So that someday in the future, you will read your entries and be able to learn more about your past self, who you used to be, what you liked then, what you dreamed of then. A long-winded descriptive letter about your current self to your future self.